Exuberance by Paul Kurtz

Author:Paul Kurtz [Kurtz, Paul]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Prometheus Books
Published: 2014-05-14T04:00:00+00:00

* * *

1. Galatians 5: 19-20.

2. The City of God, Bk. XIX, pp. 303-4 (New York: Hafner Publishing Co., 1948), Vol. II.

3. Aldous Huxley, “Hyperion to a Satyr,” in Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (New York: Harper, 1956), pp. 151-53.

4. See “Before Ethics and Morality,” The Humanist (Nov./Dec., 1972); “Abortion and the Unwanted Child,” The Humanist (March/April, 1975).

5. “New Concepts of Marriage” in “The Human Alternative” television series.

I

Thus far the reader may feel that I have presented the case for the self-centered egoist, the individual concerned primarily with his own creative powers, enjoyment, and sexual satisfaction. But this is far from the case; instead, I hope to show that the autonomous human being cannot find life completely satisfying unless he can relate to other human beings. Sociality is so basic to our nature as humans that unless we can share our joys and sorrows, we are condemned to lead narrow and futile existences. The purely autistic person has limited horizons. His life lacks full body and flavor; it misses the most important ingredient of the full life, without which we can never feel complete: les autres.

We are defined as persons by the objects of our interest. If our interests are narrow, then so are we. Insofar as we can extend the range of our concerns, we are able to expand the dimensions of our being.

There are several ways in which we can broaden our horizons. On the simplest level, I have already pointed out the need for intimacy with at least one other person. The fullest expression of this need is in loving someone else. Love can be possessive, especially when we consider another human being an object and seek to monopolize him or her for our own consummatory enjoyment. Here the primary motive may be selfish: we wish to be loved, stroked, and caressed, to receive pleasurable stimulation. But there is another sense of love: the ability to give love without necessarily receiving it in return. Here, we derive satisfaction simply because we do something for someone else, not because that person responds fully in kind. Possessive love is infantile. It says, I want you to love me, I miss you, or I need you. The ego dominates this relationship. The possessive person becomes insanely jealous because he believes that the relationship will be threatened if another person enters the scene. Historically, husbands possessed their wives, who were considered little more than chattel. For the wife merely to look at another man would provoke jealous rage. Similarly, women had a smothering attitude toward their husbands and lovers and could not tolerate any sign of interest in another woman. But matrimony should not mean the extinction of our personalities or interests in others as friends, colleagues, or even lovers—difficult though it is for most people to overcome the consuming flames of jealousy.

Many relationships are simply contractual; that is, we agree to do someone a favor knowing that it is good policy and that they will reciprocate. This is an important ingredient in a relationship; it involves prudential self-concern.

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